


Our Youthful Serenade

by theairwascold



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Childhood Trauma, Dancer!Kwon Soonyoung, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Humor, I'm trying huhuhu, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, Light Angst, M/M, Music producer!Lee Jihoon, Pining, Romance, Strangers to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2019-07-05
Packaged: 2020-06-10 22:02:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19516999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theairwascold/pseuds/theairwascold
Summary: The universe introduced Jihoon to the biggest mystery yet he had to unravel in a form of giddy, cheerful, and sensational guy called Kwon Soonyoung.Little did Jihoon know that Soonyoung himself had the biggest mission yet he had to finish in a form of distant, wary, and shy guy called Lee Jihoon.Their worlds collided. Fervent and frozen. Mischief and mercy. Love and life. Jihoon and Soonyoung.





	Our Youthful Serenade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kwanniechanniehoonie](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kwanniechanniehoonie/gifts).



> ─ Happy birthday, Kim!
> 
> Before you proceed on continuing this story, please wish my best friend, Kim, the happiest birthday (despite the fact that I'm so late at this since her birthday was on May...forgive me.) My first romance story ever, my first Seventeen AU, and my first completed work I'm confident enough to publish; Kim, this one is for you. ♡

Lee Jihoon knew he was doomed—deep in a rotten hell level of doomed—when he stepped down the stairs that led him to the front yard of his campus. Jeonghan must had sensed his sudden tension because he stopped walking instantly, eyes following Jihoon’s piercing gaze toward a lean figure of Jeon Wonwoo.

“I didn’t know you could be this obvious,” Jeonghan tilted his head, smirked as Jihoon quickly averted his gaze away from his previous subject of view.

“Whatever is going around on that head of yours, that ain’t it, hyung,” Jihoon scoffed before starting to walk again. The thing was, Jeon Wonwoo was indeed stunning, there was no point in denying that. With that high cheekbones of his, nose-scrunched smile, and polite manners, he could have easily lure anyone in. The red-haired boy next to Wonwoo was probably no exception.

“That’s a mouthful version of a simple ‘no’! You must really adore this guy.”

That sentence alone was enough to pain Jihoon inside that he shuffled his ears with his tiny fingers. Jeonghan didn’t just playfully bump his shoulder on Jihoon’s, but he also offered to shout Wonwoo’s name in which resulting Jeonghan got pushed forward by Jihoon’s petite body so he wouldn’t be able to mischievously make a scene that could humiliate Jihoon—and Jihoon _only_ , since Jeonghan had no shame.

For better or worse, Jihoon almost wished that it was _indeed_ Jeon Wonwoo who piqued his senses, and, well interest.

+

Monday was a cold day. Jihoon could almost see the birds outside his window dorm shivering behind those colorful feathers of theirs. Jihoon was fine with cold, winter, chill, any kind of weathers or sensations that could freeze him inside out; growing up, it was the feeling he was most familiar with. It was the same feeling that crawled on his skin when his father _implicitly_ humiliated anything Jihoon did by going on and on about his brother that just got into a medical school (oh, did Jihoon notice _that_ ). It was the same feeling that squeezed his heart out every time his father reasoned that everything he did for Jihoon, he did it out of concern. It was the same feeling he felt right now, loving his surroundings (being a business and management student in one of universities in Seoul, away from home; his almost-empty dorm that wouldn’t be so empty if only he could have brought the piano he bought after saving up for five consecutive month; and his lunatic friends whom most actually could only be referred as acquaintances, really) just like he knew his father would. _This is my choice_ , he repeated that over and over again like a mantra, _I chose this._

Jeonghan, head over heels for Joshua who shared a few classes with him, once described love and lust as a burning passion; glimmering in the dark, enough to illuminate your path home.

But _why_ —why did love felt so cold, distant, and frigid for Jihoon?

Feeling like he jinxed his luck, Jihoon cursed under his breath when Jeon Wonwoo casually took a seat next to him—within a _huge_ room for seminar wherein many seats were _still_ available. He prayed Jeonghan would stick up with Joshua─who usually took the seat on the front row like a diligent student that he was─instead of looking for him. But the universe apparently despised him so much, Jeonghan had to walk in with that stupid grin of his then pulled out an available seat next to Jihoon that wasn’t occupied by Wonwoo.

“Good morning,” Jeonghan greeted Jihoon and Wonwoo (his voice was so loud, of course he was aiming it to the both of them!)

“Begone, Satan,” Jihoon whispered.

“Good morning, Jeonghan hyung,” Wonwoo chirped. “Jihoon.”

“Jihoon, you don’t look so good. Are you okay? Is it the weather?” Jeonghan fake-examined Jihoon’s perfectly decent face. “Wonwoo, look, he looks a bit pale, doesn't he?”

“Are you okay? Do you want me to call the nurse?” Wonwoo looked mildly concerned, which made Jeonghan’s expression turned smug.

“Oh please,” Jihoon unconsciously rolled his eyes. Afraid it would sound extremely rude, he continued, “But, I’m fine, thank you. The weather is also, uh, fine. Just a bit sleepy.”

“Really? Because if you’re cold, I could ask the friend of mine to bring an extra jacket. He’s still on his dorm right now,” Wonwoo offered. Jihoon wanted to say that he was nothing but fine when it came to cold weather, but Jeonghan suddenly butted in.

“Ah, a friend of yours? Was it that one you talked to yesterday in front of the campus’s building? The red-headed kid?”

“Yes! Soonyoung. He just got transferred from a university in Gyeonggi-do,” Wonwoo’s brows rose up a bit like he tried to remember something, “Oh! Actually, he spotted you both when you walked out of the building, said he met you once.”

Both Jihoon and Jeonghan knew exactly whom Wonwoo was talking about. (Jeonghan certainly had never met this kid before yesterday). Jihoon rubbed his face with his palms to hide his flustered expression. “Oh y-yeah, we kind of talked to each other the other day…somewhere.”

The seminar went smooth. By smooth, Jihoon meant typically boring and unmoving. After receiving a text from Soonyoung, Wonwoo got up while apologizing because apparently Soonyoung was seated at the front row and was looking for Wonwoo. Jeonghan told Jihoon to stop blatantly frowning, that he eventually would meet that cute friend of Wonwoo (Jeonghan’s words) again next time. Jihoon’s scowl deepened.

Right after the seminar ended, Jihoon went right ahead to Mr. and Mrs. Lee’s house. He had been working as a babysitter for a couple of months. Mr. and Mrs. Lee were a crazy-rich couple that frequently traveled around South Korea, that’s why their seven year-old son had to be taken care of. Jihoon didn’t understand with their decision to employ a college student for this job instead of picking a trusted and experienced nanny since money was hardly the problem— _heck_ , Jihoon’s two-month earnings in total could easily cover his tuition fee for the entire semester.

The thing was, they were a very generous family, so maybe they knew how college students nowadays basically suffered just to earn a penny. Jihoon suddenly remembered all those interviews he had to prepare only for this job; he didn’t think it was unnecessary because he knew there would be certain days he was required to stay over and also cleaned up the house (they didn’t employ a single maid either, seriously!) Jihoon could only be thankful for both his and this family’s sake because not only now he could pay the bills and his needs by himself, but also Chan didn’t end up being in a hand of a possible cunning psycho.

Mrs. Lee carried a whole suitcase when Jihoon arrived, it meant she would be away for a while and it would be the moment where Jihoon needed to stay over. “Let me help you with that,” Jihoon offered and grabbed the other huge bag she was carrying.

“Ah, thank you, Jihoon. I have cooked a homemade fried rice kimchi for your lunch. You could eat that with Chan later.” Jihoon bowed deeply. God, he respected this woman so much.

“Thank you, Mrs. Lee. I hope it wasn’t troublesome for you, it’s just me after all.”

“What kind of nonsense! You’re a part of the family,” she said, then started to explain about Chan’s school schedule. At first, Jihoon had a hard time trying to manage and organize his study session. He didn’t always have spare time to pick Chan up after school in time, but fortunately, Chan was really easy to be taken care of. His school was near so he would just walk home alone or ask the security guard to accompany him when he knew Jihoon’s schedule was packed. Chan wasn’t a perfect baby boy; he teased Jihoon a lot and was on another level of hyperactive, but he made it so much easier for Jihoon, more than he could hope for someone his age. He felt like he owed Chan for that.

It was almost poetic and movie-like; with the heaps of school assignments Jihoon had to finish before deadlines, with the constant mood swings he experienced every time he remembered his home, with the strong urge to rip his head off on bad days, universe was kind enough to offer him a job he found somewhat tranquil and not burdensome.

“Mrs. Lee, I’m sorry but I forgot to pack my spare clothes for the stay. Is it fine if I bring Chan to my dorm to prepare my needs? I don’t want to leave him alone, so I think it’s the best to take him with me back and forth,” Jihoon asked, his mind raced with other options just in case there was a better one.

“It’s fine. Chan likes to stroll around. You could even ask him to stay in your dorm, if you don’t mind, in case you would be too exhausted to come back here.” Jihoon imagined the usual loud noises of 90s rock music his neighbor always played in the evening or the sudden smell of alcohol from outside. Chan might be an easy boy, but he would totally freak out to be put in such new situation. Jihoon shuddered. Mrs. Lee seemed to catch it up immediately. She just smiled and hand Jihoon some money. “For the two-way trip bus and buy some ingredients if you want to cook tomorrow.”

“Oh! Please, no need to, Mrs. Lee! I, uhm, still have savings. It would be enough to feed us both,” he grinned widely. “I promise.”

Mrs. Lee basically shoved the money down Jihoon’s throat and there was nothing he could do about that.

On the way to the dorm, Chan told Jihoon about this teacher he adored so much. “She told me that I’m going to be a good dancer someday,” he mused. Jihoon had no doubt about that. Whatever Chan was doing, he couldn’t be still. Once, when they went shopping at the store nearby, there was music blasting within that store which made Chan moved his legs and hands energetically while following Jihoon around; the waitress could only watch and laugh silently. Even now, when they were sitting on bus stools, his legs were swinging back and forth. “But I don’t think she really meant that.”

“Why not? You’re really good at dancing.”

“She told all students the same thing.”

Jihoon couldn’t help but laugh. “Of course she meant it. Just because she told everyone the same, it doesn’t make her statement less true.”

Chan sighed. “Jihoon hyung, everything that comes out from your mouth sounds like a poem, you know that? Do you want to be a poet?”

They hopped off the bus. Jihoon knelt in front of Chan to brush his bang off from his forehead. Chan was excessively sweating, but he didn’t protest at all. _Such a good boy_ , Jihoon sighed. He held Chan’s tiny hand then walked to his dormitory. Jihoon quietly whispered something to himself, very vague that he thought Chan couldn’t hear it. But, surprisingly, Chan squeezed his hand. Chan’s voice when he spoke was so determined yet delicate, it almost melted the ice within Jihoon’s heart away.

“People like you—you could be anything you want to be, Jihoon hyung.”

+

The second time Jihoon had an encounter with that stranger was funny and almost comical. After they had done packing Jihoon’s stuff, Jihoon locked the door while Chan was waiting beside him. When both boys were about to turn to the exit way, there were Jeon Wonwoo and that friend of his. Jihoon wasn’t merely an idiot, he was an _obvious_ one. For that reason alone, Jihoon turned back, facing the door and pulled his keys out to reopen it.

“What are you doing? Aren’t we done?” Chan looked mildly confused, but, God, was his voice so _loud_. Jihoon tried to concentrate, but there were so many keys; a key for his chamber, a key for his locker, a key for the Lee’s main door, a key for the Lee’s fence, a key for the Lee’s _freaking_ garage.

A deep voice startled Jihoon, causing all of those damn keys to scatter around the floor. He cursed under his breath, making sure Chan couldn’t hear it.

“Hey, aren’t you Yeojin’s brother? I met you once the other day! Do you remember it?” Chan suddenly chirped in, not minding Jihoon that bended his body to collect those keys at all. Wonwoo suddenly helped him. The gesture made Jihoon flushed; he wasn’t known to be a clumsy type of guy! He timidly thanked Wonwoo.

“Hello buddy!” the redheaded boy smiled so big, making those cheeks—those puffy and annoyingly _cute_ cheeks—of his lifted up. He knelt in front of Chan. “I’m Yeojin’s big cousin, actually. I remember you, bud. But—wait, your name…I’m sorry but I forgot!”

Chan whined, he looked like he wanted to give him away his name immediately but the redheaded boy held up his hand to tell Chan to wait. “I save it in the back of my mind! I must memorize it. Wait, is it Changmin? Changkyun? I remember it starts with a C!” Chan now jumped up and down to encourage that friend of Wonwoo. “Ch—Chan? Chan? Is it correct?”

Jihoon watched the entire interaction with blank expression. That was when Wonwoo’s friend high-fived Chan that he could control his expression again, but he was caught off guard since he suddenly talked to Jihoon. “Hello again, Jihoon. What a great coincidence, huh?”

“Why didn’t you tell me you’re going to this college?” Jihoon asked immediately. He really was rude, wasn’t he? “I mean, I could have given you like, you know, a tour or something.”

The other boy just smiled and pat his friend’s back. “That’s Wonwoo job! I didn’t know that you study here, after all. Especially, I didn’t want to bother you, just in case you’re currently working on that… _art_ we discussed the other day,” he smirked. He had the audacity to _smirk_.

“I’m not,” there was a hint of embarrassment in Jihoon’s words and he hated how obvious it was, how obvious _he_ was. “I’m not working on any arts.”

If Jihoon’s words disappointed the guy, he didn’t show it. Instead, he continued talking, “I’m actually on my way to Yeojin’s house. I just need to grab some stuff on my room first. Are you about to go there as well? If yes, since both Chan and Yeojin are practically neighbours, we could go there together, yeah?”

“Yes, please!” Unlike Jihoon, Chan totally showed his eagerness. “We could hang out at the park again!”

“Again?” Wonwoo curiously asked.

“Yeah, that’s where…uh, Soonyoung and I met.”

“So you remember my name!” Soonyoung grinned. “Alright, just wait here, okay? I’ll be right back.”

There was no way Jihoon could let that go now, after Soonyoung—couldn’t be any clearer—confessed that he remembered their conversation when they met at the park the first time (but hardly remembered Chan’s single-syllabus name!) It was so stupid.

There were various types of college students: those who could only work on their assignment in a café; those who couldn’t be disturbed once they were working on it on their dorm like Jeonghan; and there was Jihoon, the weird type who found serenity somewhere a bit crowded, with fresh air, and preferably situated next to a large fish pond: a park near Chan’s house, to be precise. He could have done it anywhere, really, but he couldn’t focus as much as when he did it somewhere open. So, when Jihoon and Chan went there just like their regular activity, Jihoon didn’t expect to find a boy his age and a girl Chan’s age to occupy their usual spot.

Chan recognized the girl—“It’s Yeojin!”—since she went to the same school as him, he basically ran toward her and startled the poor girl. The girl and the guy seemed like they just did a rhythmic gymnastics before Chan interrupted, but they continued to do it while Chan was following their movement. Jihoon sat down before working on his laptop, not too far so that he could watch over the little boy. After a while, he heard a series of applause. He looked over where Chan was sitting with his eyes wide, legs folded in a respectful manner.

Both of the little kids were intrigued by the view in front of them: the guy Jihoon saw earlier was dancing with the music on, though Jihoon could vaguely hear it. His movement was sure, sharp, and precise. But at the same time, Jihoon could see how graceful he was being, almost languid, but it wasn’t possible since his expression was really fierce. Jihoon had never seen anyone danced like that—like their life _depended_ on it. Being on the theater club during his high school life, Jihoon _knew_ what he was judging. Although his main occupation was somewhere else, he had portrayed enough roles and what each one of them required to do—crossdressing, dancing with his hands tied behind, freaking kissing one of his classmate he despised to the core. This boy—whoever he was—was no ordinary theater kid, he truly learned and was deeply immersed in it.

Too busy reminiscing his old school life, Jihoon didn’t realize the subject of his muse was approaching him. “Hello, there. That little boy, a friend of Yeojin, told me that you’re also his friend,” he approached Jihoon and sat beside him. From the distance, he saw Chan and Yeojin having their own moment.

“I’m Soonyoung,” the boy introduced himself at the same time Jihoon said, “You’re incredible.”

Soonyoung chuckled. “No, actually I just told you my name. Please don’t assume before you ask.”

Jihoon flushed. “Yeah, I was referring to your dance, anyway.”

“Hey, don’t put your guard up so high, I can’t climb it,” Soonyoung brought his arm sleeve up to rub the sweat on his forehead. “And you haven’t told me your name.”

“It’s Jihoon.”

“I like your name.”

“It’s a common name.”

Soonyoung snickered. Jihoon swore this boy had so many expressions. “It’s a compliment, Jihoon. Now it’s your turn.”

“To what?”

“Compliment me. It’s a nice step to lower your guard down, you know.”

“I literally just did a minute ago. You want me to take it back?”

Soonyoung laughed and shuffled closer. Jihoon was extremely aware of their closeness. “So, do you dance? Chan seems like he’s really into it. I thought you were his brother, but his exact words to describe you are, ‘a friend that takes care of me’—could’ve fooled me, really, since you both are similarly adorable—anyway, I assumed you taught him to dance.”

Too much information. This boy just spat out more words than Jihoon could ever form in a single day. Not to mention, him saying Jihoon was adorable made him blush like some sort of a shy teenager. Lee Jihoon did _not_ blush that easily. “Never assume before you ask,” Jihoon snickered back. Soonyoung was just about to open his mouth again, but Jihoon beat him to it. “I used to dance, just to fulfill my role. I wasn’t a professional play, though.”

“Oh, as in drama and theater? What was your main field, then?”

Jihoon contemplated whether to tell him or not. He told him anyway, “I wrote songs and I, uh, worked in music production.”

Soonyoung didn’t say anything for a while. Jihoon dared to look up to him, totally abandoning his laptop which screen was already turning black. “You said I’m incredible, but look at yourself,” Soonyoung was shaking his head like he couldn’t believe it. “You produced and wrote songs, and you can dance. Perhaps you could write me a song someday.”

“Yeah, maybe,” Jihoon agreed without realizing what the hell he just said. Before he could erase Soonyoung’s surprised expression, both of the kids suddenly ran toward them. Jihoon didn’t remember how exactly the farewell happened, but he remembered wanting to write again. It had been so long.

+

The short trip to Chan’s house wasn’t awkward at all like Jihoon had imagined it. Soonyoung kept them entertained with random stories about his parents, his old and grumpy neighbour called Mr. Do, and mostly his hometown in Gyeonggi-do. Jihoon could almost felt the breeze of the fresh air and the pure view of Namyangju-si when Soonyoung told them about the organic farm managed by his parents.

“Why did you transfer here?” Jihoon genuinely asked. If Soonyoung adored his hometown so much, there had to be a valid reason to move.

“Well,” he started, “Seoul has more opportunities for me more than my hometown will ever. What I love to do, it needs to be developed somewhere else, I guess.”

“And what is that? What do you love?”

The way Soonyoung looked at Jihoon almost made him squirm on his seat. “You have figured out the most dominating one by now.”

Jihoon’s mind wandered when they were at the park, when he was hypnotized by Soonyoung's energetic and incredible dance. “Why did you choose Japanese literature as your major then? Why not going to art school?”

“I just….feel like it? I need to possess another useful knowledge—it has to be something that I like, of course—than just practical dance, since I could learn more about dancing by joining courses and dance clubs—which are piling up in Seoul, unlike in my hometown—without necessarily having to pursue it on formal institution. Back up plan, you know?”

Realistic. Unlike Jihoon, whose idealism was shattered and now grieved over it on daily basis, Kwon Soonyoung knew exactly which path he wanted to take. Jihoon would say that it was inspiring and relishing for someone who desperately needed a reason to hang on if only his pride weren’t hurt at all. _I am a coward_ , he thought.

“Jihoon,” Soonyoung called him when they got off from the bus. Chan was already on the ground, walking off without waiting for them.

“Yes?”

“I know you’re a closeted-off person, but just in case it gets unbearable, you can always tell me anything, you know. Sometimes, I feel like you’re holding back from saying something, but believe me when I say I don’t easily get offended.”

It was terrifying. It scared Jihoon that someone he just met twice could observe him up to that extent, it scared him so much how he wanted to simply agree to that offer; no one other than two of his close friends would pay him so much attention. Like an idiot that he was, instead of giving Soonyoung a relevant answer, he said, “Okay, but you don’t need to hold my hand. I could walk down the bus myself.”

Soonyoung whined in amusement, letting go Jihoon’s hand that he held unconsciously. “You’re just so small! I feel like I have to protect you.”

“Thank you, but I have survived a whole twenty years without you.”

“I wonder how hard that must have been,” he winked. _Winked_. Jihoon wasn’t sure he wanted to smack this boy or himself more. “No worries, though, I’m here now.”

“Irrelevant. You’re like a hamster trapped in human body. Now, I feel like I have a moral responsibility to prevent you from getting hit by a bus.” Despite the fact that Jihoon could feel butterflies crowding within his stomach, Jihoon was so done being babied by Jeonghan, he didn’t need another one doing the same. Soonyoung seemed so surprised that Jihoon talked so much, he bumped a stranger. “That’s what I’m talking about.”

They ended up not going to the park just like how Chan originally planned.

+

When Jihoon said _two of his close friends_ , he meant Jeonghan and this other guy that was currently holding a party. Seungcheol—despite him being older than Jihoon—always looked at Jihoon like he was an old, wise man. Unlike Jeonghan that would throw him a bone-crushing hug, Seungcheol was rather chill and gentle. Just like how he greeted Jihoon right now. “Go upstairs, I have a box of leftover pizza for you on the fridge,” Cheol whispered. He had two fridges on his house and it never ceased to amaze Jihoon that no one but him ever noticed that. (Honestly, he wouldn’t notice that himself if Seungcheol didn’t show him willingly).

The thing was, Jihoon was starving. Cheol had memorized it by heart how Jihoon always searched for food every time he went to the party. Cheol’s fridge was on his room and it was hard to spot for the first time because the view got blocked by a huge wardrobe next to it. If the party weren’t still early, Jihoon would think twice before entering the chamber as some random couple must have occupied it for making out purpose, but because that day was destined to be as shitty as the rest of Jihoon’s day, of course there was already a couple shoving their tongues down each other’s throat even though the party had just started.

And it wasn’t just any random couple. Soonyoung and Sooyoung suddenly stopped when Jihoon came without knocking. How fitting, even their names seemed to approve them being a pair.

Jihoon’s blank face remained stamped on as he closed the door and muttered an apology. He barely heard Soonyoung gasping his name inbetween his…bustle. Jihoon’s anger was definitely because he couldn’t quench his hunger to delicious pizza. Definitely not because a guy he met a couple months ago decided to make out…on his precious best friend’s comforter (Jihoon just _loved_ that fluffy sheet so much, he always occupied the damn bed when he was staying over). He definitely wasn’t angry because Soonyoung, who kindly had offered to be his friend, hardly approached Jihoon in those two months of them knowing each other...and now Jihoon had to see him about to ruin his _favorite_ sheet in the world. Dammit.

“Jihoon.”

A shiver ran down through his spine hearing that voice.

“What are you doing?” Jihoon asked, slowly facing Soonyoung.

“Could’ve asked you the same thing,” Soonyoung pushed down the urge to smirk, making his cheeks wobbled.

“I was looking for food.”

“And you weren’t looking for that on the kitchen?”

There was no way Jihoon gave away the location of his precious food bank, so he snapped instead, “I no longer meddled into your business, did I? Not at all for the past two months, anyway,” he spat the last sentence without meaning to. Both of them went silent. Jihoon turned his back and walked down the stairs. “You can go back now.”

Downstairs, everyone was having fun. Jihoon wasn’t in mood for party anymore—not like he ever enjoyed one since, just like he said, he only came for food. Jihoon kept his head down so that Seungcheol wouldn’t spot him. He went home under a warm, May night. He wished the weather was cold and breezing; after all, it was what he usually could bear to feel.

Inside his dorm, he worked on his economy assignment. He couldn’t be as focused as when he was doing it outside, but it was endurable. Until it wasn’t. Jeonghan was already on the phone line before Jihoon could change his mind and hang up. “Wanna grab a dinner?”

They ended up eating a street food near their campus. With Joshua. “You smell of liquor, hyung.”

“Someone accidentally spilled their cup on my shirt,” Jeonghan showed Jihoon a stained cloth that was covered by his denim jacket. “I didn’t have the chance to drink anything before you called me. I thought you came to the party.”

“I didn’t,” Jihoon lied. “Sorry. Also, you too, Joshua hyung. I didn’t mean to ruin your night together.”

“It’s fine, Jihoon,” Joshua shrugged. “I just complained to Wonwoo that I was starving when Jeonghan approached me. Wonwoo wanted to come but he was waiting for some—”

“He _what_?”

“Uh, he would catch us up once his friend was decent? Whatever that means.”

Sighing loudly, Jihoon just stuffed his food on his mouth. Great. He was so prepared to face an awkward situation. Wonwoo and Soonyoung arrived a few minutes later. Soonyoung looked genuinely surprised when he spotted Jihoon. The confusion didn’t go unnoticed by Jeonghan who raised his eyebrow and quickly moved next to Joshua which made: 1) a seat next to Jihoon empty, 2) Jihoon’s eyes bulged so big they almost come off from their sockets, 3) Soonyoung took a seat next to him.

Preparing for a long silence on the table, Jihoon quietly ate his portion. It never happened, though. Everyone was laughing loudly. Despite Soonyoung’s mild drunken condition, he was still able to pull a joke and tell funny stories that made everyone’s laughter erupted. His existence was so gravitating; like he was the center of the solar system and anyone near him would instinctively lean toward and revolve around him. The analogy added up so well, since his bright personality boldly challenged the sun itself. Jihoon had never seen anyone embracing themselves as whole the way Soonyoung did—fully, calculated, and without fear of not being enough. It was almost selfish for Jihoon to wish that Soonyoung would spare his time to _talk_ to a statue like Jihoon when there were so many more decent people lining up to become his friends.

“Jihoon could do it,” Jeonghan offered.

Jihoon, who was busy _eating_ , asked, “Do what?”

“Taking Soonyoung to his dorm. As you can see, he’s a bit intoxicated. Wonwoo here needs to go to the market and buy some painkillers,” Jeonghan was still maintaining his straight face.

There was a silence before Jihoon agreed, “Fine, I’ll do it.”

Soonyoung who watched the interaction silently, said, “No, you don’t have to. I can go back on my own.”

“Nonsense. You probably wouldn’t be able to take the stairs without wanting to pass out on it,” Jeonghan pressed.

“No, I’m fine, really,” Soonyoung managed a smile, but Jihoon had enough.

“He doesn’t want me. Joshua—”

“N-no! What are you talking about? It’s not like that,” Soonyoung nervously interrupted Jihoon, a movement Soonyoung almost had never done.

“I said I’ll do it.”

They walked side by side to the dormitory. It wasn’t midnight yet, but the quietness was making Jihoon felt uneasy. “I’m sorry for shutting you out,” Soonyoung suddenly said. Jihoon sighed and asked him why he did it.

“I-I thought you didn’t want to, you know, look further into the possibility of us engaged in a friendship,” Soonyoung admitted. His cheeks flushed like he couldn’t believe he stuttered. “I’m a man with confidence, Jihoon…but not with you.”

Jihoon's face blatantly showed a surprise. Soonyoung? Not confident? Jihoon _wasn't_ that powerful. “It’s just me—this is how I operate. I didn’t mean to give you a hard time approaching me.” 

They reached the building. Jihoon held Soonyoung’s arm because his body was unsteady and they were about to climb the damn stairs.

“I tried, you know…for a whole week, if that wasn’t obvious enough for you. I don’t remember trying to impress anyone that hard,” Soonyoung said. Jihoon wanted to say that he wasn’t aware and it was just _Jihoon_ after all, but Soonyoung continued, “I saw you playing. Uh, a guitar. At the park, surrounded by a bunch of kids.”

Oh. _Oh._ It happened like three days after Jihoon and Chan’s second encounter with Soonyoung. Chan suddenly brought some of his classmates to watch a cartoon or something, but they ended up going to park and watching Jihoon played instead. Jihoon wasn’t great with kids, but at least he knew how to entertain them. “I wanted to bring that up, but you seemed so busy and wasn’t interested when I tried to talk to you.”

_What?_

“That’s—that’s not it, at all. I promise. You made me nervous, Soonyoung. Still do,” Jihoon’s feet almost gave up, but fortunately they had reached Soonyoung’s floor. “But you’re right, I was stressed out throughout that particular week. I had to finish a paper that was supposed to be done in group! Those assholes could only order around and snore in their sleep, I swear to God. But, uh, I’m—I’m sorry.”

Soonyoung chuckled. He pulled a key from his jeans and opened the door. “Ji, you know how to kill a man’s confidence—and feeling.”

Jihoon didn’t know what to say to that nickname and to that sentence in general, so he stood still. “Uh, I—”

“Come in, would you?”

The couch was wide and Jihoon could easily lay his tiny figure down, but of course he didn’t. Soonyoung, on the other hand, snuggled his body on the couch and turned the TV on. “Don’t you want to change clothes?” Jihoon asked.

“No. I want you to tell me a story.”

“Why?”

“Why not? I want to hear your story.”

“My life isn’t as interesting as yours. I’ll bore you to death. You’ll hardly remember anything when you wake up tomorrow, anyway.”

“I’m not _that_ drunk. Plus, some of the stories I tell aren’t always about myself either, if you ever pay an attention at all,” Jihoon did, but he wasn’t about to say that out loud. “I retell what other people used to tell me; they neither have to be mysterious secrets nor anything serious. They’re nothing but stories worth telling. I hope I could retell your story to people too one day.”

His words sent warmth to Jihoon’s whole being and he didn’t know if he liked it or not. The last time he _felt_ anything close to this, it didn’t end up good. Instead of saying something that would make Soonyoung’s eyes lit up in excitement, Jihoon stated what came to his mind first, “I didn’t know you and Sooyoung are together.”

“What? Oh, no. About _that_ ,” Soonyoung looked embarrassed. Why did he look embarrassed? He did nothing wrong. “We just casually kissed. I mean, it’s just normal at parties right?” Jihoon _didn’t_ know what was normal. “I didn’t mean for you to see it.”

“Soonyoung, you did it inside Seungcheol’s room. You didn’t mean for anyone to see it.”

“Yeah. But especially not you.”

  1. Jihoon went silent because he didn’t know what the hell Soonyoung meant by that. Heck, he didn’t understand most of what Soonyoung said that was directed to him; why his words felt like they carry a whole lot more meaning than they were supposed to.
  2. Jihoon didn’t understand why his heart felt like it was about to burst out from his chest.
  3. Jihoon especially didn’t understand why he felt relieved after Soonyoung explained himself. It wasn’t like he owed Jihoon one.



Just because there were so many things buzzing on his mind and Jihoon would freak out if he stayed silent for another minute, he started to open his mouth, not minding the sound of the TV. “Uh, I have a story but it’s not mine,” Jihoon paused to see Soonyoung’s reaction who just nodded. “I have a muslim friend overseas. She gets all excited and jumpy when Ramadan is near—and I think, a few days ago, Ramadan has just started. Um, she explained to me everything about it but—with all due and respect— I was still curious, uh, maybe because it had something to do with my low level of resistance for food. So, I asked her about it; like how all the muslims manage to push their temptation away, what she usually eats when she breaks the fast, so on and so far.”

Soonyoung smiled while pushing his hair back. “How do you even know her, anyway? You don’t seem like a person who would interact with anyone you haven’t met.”

“Shush. I had a thing for penpals back then, okay? She’s the best penpal I’ve ever known,” Jihoon halted, both suddenly missing his friend and considering whether telling this to Soonyoung would be a bad idea. “Anyway, she said that there’s a saying—I’m not sure if it’s from the Bible or not—that God imprisons all evil spirits during that sacred month. She admitted to me that she was pretty miserable on daily basis. Like, she was a very diligent and productive student, she was even a good leader, but she easily got exhausted, especially after a long day at school. It happened almost everyday, she even got these blue days and I could only calmed her down. I remember she texted me one night and went full-on rambling mode. I was kind of concerned with her physical health.

“I thought it was because she was going through puberty because I didn't want to think negatively and consider the worst case scenario. One day, when this special month arrived, she got more…cheerful, you know? She completely endured every activity without wanting to pass out. For her, it was unusual. But for me, I thought she just got real excited since the important event happens only once a year, you know? But she was hyper-aware of the change and even told me that perhaps her demons were imprisoned during that time. Up until now, I still don't know whether or not she was joking. I just think that, uh, it’s so powerful; believing something until it becomes true, then affects your behavior.”

Jihoon thought Soonyoung was asleep, but he suddenly said, “I’m not a spiritual person, but to her, it’s the truth. Let her have it. Our secular view can’t comprehend and is not needed when it comes to abstract belief like that,” while rubbing his eyes, Soonyoung continued, “Actually, that’s really nice for _some_ people that God locks all the evil spirits during the sacred month; they could solemnly do their prayers, then.”

 _Is Soonyoung really drunk?_ Jihoon thought. “Soonyoung, she basically admitted that there’s probably a ghost following her around unless it’s Ramadan.”

“Every day, people do things they’re not proud of, Ji. Grab the bad spirit from your daily activity—even just for a month—and you’d feel better. Unfortunately, not all people are like that. Some do things just in spite; that’s why I said that it was only nice for _some_ as well. I think it’s scarier that you’re still able to do, say, evil stuff despite the fact that all the evil spirits are nowhere near you. It means that the evil is within you, probably a part of you,” Soonyoung’s eyes drooped. “But that’s fine, that's normal; human beings thrive to be the better version of themselves. With or without satans.”

The TV’s sound was engulfed by a more powerful sound from Jihoon’s mind. Never once in his life had he ever met someone like Soonyoung who carried his whole personality, words, and physical appearance with such confidence. There was no trace of doubt when he greeted someone new. No trace of uncertainty when he opened his mouth.

Unless when it came to Jihoon; Jihoon made him felt hesitant. He didn’t know what it made him: someone Soonyoung ought to avoid _or_ someone Soonyoung needed to stick up with, as if Soonyoung would take his sweet time to unravel Jihoon layers by layers.

“Joshua hyung’s guitar is here. Do…do you want to play?” Soonyoung asked warily.

“Sure.”

He got up and went back with a guitar on his right hand. “Play a song you’ve written. I want to hear it.”

“Alright. Uh—”

 _It's just a song, Jihoon,_ he thought to himself.

> “Tell me about Peter and his Neverland  
>  Alice and her Wonderland  
>  Tell me phrases written by Dickens  
>  Bring me to constant rude awaken”

Soonyoung laid his body on the couch. The gesture was so innocent. Anyone could had mistaken him as a baby-faced guy with nothing but good sense of humor. Indeed, he could be really stupid sometimes, even so, he carried his stupidity with so much certainty, but Jihoon knew that he was more than just a cute face and personality, or else he wouldn’t have the earlier conversation with Soonyoung.

> “Folded pages I clutch at night  
>  After a throat-tightening and endless fight  
>  The symphony of blades and drums  
>  Like a flower which starts to bloom”

His eyes—they shaped like two crescent moons when he closed them. Jihoon suddenly wanted to touch his eyelashes, but both of his hands were occupied.

> “O, my darling  
>  You can see everything without moving  
>  Engulfing you into a world full of pathway  
>  From Tolkien to Hemmingway”

“Jihoon?”

“Hm?”

“The lyrics are too poetic for a song.”

Jihoon laughed. “Yeah, it's supposed to be a musicalization of poetry.”

“You sang me a poem about the importance of reading while I’m the one majoring literature. How romantic.”

“Thanks. I tried.”

“Jihoon?”

“Yes?”

“Thank you. It was beautiful.”

“Yeah…”

When Wonwoo had arrived, Soonyoung was already asleep. Wonwoo told Jihoon that he could go back and sleep which Jihoon easily obeyed. He went back to his chamber, brushed his teeth, changed his clothes, climbed onto the bed, and thought: _finally._

+

The following days… _easier_ was a strong word, so Jihoon settled with using the word _used_ with Soonyoung’s presence. Casually spending time with him wasn’t casual at all—Jihoon thought of a million different ways to keep himself intact. He liked—loved!—talking with Soonyoung, but he didn’t want to make himself looked too eager, since Soonyoung basically treated everyone just as nice. Jihoon pulled back from a group gathering—mostly because there were unfinished responsibilities, but a few times because of the surfacing anxiety he got—even though he still wanted to stay and spend time with Soonyoung, well, and everyone else. 

On the way to the room used for English club meeting, Wonwoo halted abruptly, making Jihoon raised his eyebrow in confusion. “What happened?”

Wonwoo looked a bit nervous. “Do you want to ditch?”

“What?”

“Like, you know, hang out anywhere. I’m not in a mood for meeting those guys.”

“ _Jeon Wonwoo_ —look, Won, they’d whip our asses if we don’t come today unless there’s a reasonable excuse, such as, I don’t know, having a brain surgery? Also, why the sudden? You know our schedule is packed due to the annual magazine that should be released real soon. Mr. Kim won’t tolerate delay no more.”

“Please, Jihoon? My head is about to go _kaboom._ ”

Jihoon sighed while turning around. “I don’t even know why you picked this club in the first place.”

“Neither do I with your decision.”

Being with Wonwoo was easy. Jihoon would use the strong word because he was certain (nothing with Soonyoung was definite). The reason he never really hung out with him was because they met at the same club they tried to avoid right now; Jihoon was never fond of the people within. He didn’t expect it would work just the opposite with Wonwoo. “I was seriously asking that, you know,” Wonwoo said while munching his jjajangmyeon. “Why didn’t you choose the musical ones? Clubs that hold the same passion as you. It would be very advantageous.”

“My parents. They thought of different thing when it comes to being advantageous,” Jihoon offered no explanation after that.

Every kid talked shit behind their parents, it was not a big deal. They had their own problems; some of them even openly despised their parents for holding different values. Jihoon desperately wanted to let out his demon, his frustration, and anything that kept him chained. But his mouth was always sealed by an invisible tape. He just wanted to be brave for himself, for God’s sake. When you think that your family is the one discourages you the most, brings you down, and gives you nothing but a skeptical look, you gotta learn to adjust on the other spectrum of environment that would likely appreciate you. Jihoon was well-aware of the fallacy within his parents’ little household, but couldn’t do anything regarding to that when he’d grown up with internalized toxicity; a form of verbal harassment was a way of showing love, being undermined and underestimated meant Jihoon needed to thrive harder.

“How do you know I take an interest to music?” Jihoon asked.

Wonwoo grinned sheepishly. “Soonyoung told me.”

“Why would he do that?”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, Wonwoo pointed his chopsticks toward Jihoon. “You both—yes, Soonyoung and you—are extremely oblivious and it’s an insult to my amazingly well-functioned brain.”

After that, they went silent. Jihoon’s palms were sweating, it was a sign that he was nervous. Wherever his conversation with Wonwoo meant to lead to, he wasn’t sure it was a path he wanted to follow.

+

Kwon Soonyoung painted his hair black. Long gone that head of his that seemed to be swallowed by bright and burning fire, now Soonyoung looked like a normal teenager (nothing about him was normal). Jihoon was the first person to notice the difference because he accidentally bumped into the taller guy in front of a barber shop nearby.

“You look…different.”

“Obviously,” Soonyoung touched his hair. “What do you think?”

“It’s going to catch less attention. You look less silly as well.”

Scoffing, Soonyoung started to walk next to Jihoon. “Now I'm imagining how you looked like when you painted your hair yellow lemonade, then maybe we can talk about looking silly.”

Jihoon gasped. It was a one-time thing and a _dare_ , a foolish one he ought to add. “How do you know?!”

“Wonwoo.”

Jihoon muttered a low, “Of course,” while trying so hard not to roll his eyes. “What else did he tell you?”

“Not much. But I know that you love rice and horror movies,” he said cheerfully. “That’s why I bought two tickets for tonight’s scary movie and you have to accompany me.”

Before Jihoon could finish assuming which one between Jeonghan and Seungcheol gave those information away, his breath was caught. If Jeonghan were the one saying things Soonyoung just did to Jihoon to Joshua, Jihoon would smirk and say, “ _Smooth_ ,” but in this very personal case, his mind went absolutely blank.

“So, what do you think?” the taller guy asked, his eyes glinted with hope.

Jihoon bit his lip, face full of calculation. “Fine. But don’t hold onto me or peek behind my shoulder when you get scared.”

“That,” Soonyoung swept his new hair back with glistening smile, “I cannot promise.”

The half of the evening went so slow, it started with a knock on the door that startled Jihoon. He was still battling with his assignment since he wasn’t a type of person who procrastinate. Truth to be told, he felt restless after Soonyoung proposed to hang out with him so he tried to divert his mind somewhere else, in which resulted him totally forgetting his whole plan. So, when Soonyoung entered his chamber, Jihoon, still barefaced and unprepared, started to change hastily.

“Take your time, we’re not going to be late,” Soonyoung yelled out, making himself comfortable on Jihoon’s extremely clean dorm.

“I-I’m sorry, I was caught up in school task—“ Jihoon stuttered. “Please take a seat. I won’t be long.”

It didn’t take him long to prepare, but boy, having a certain Kwon Soonyoung inside his dorm doing nothing but solely waiting for Jihoon made him extremely nervous. His palms ended up sweating a lot and he had to squeeze out a good amount of hand sanitizer.

“Okay, let’s go,” Jihoon proposed.

Seoul at night was out of this world. Lanterns in front of a few Korean food restaurants, the unusual warm weather, the towering skyscrapers, and the loud noises. Seoul was a beehive and metropolitan people were buzzing, busy streets and busy lives. Incredibly normal. Even Jihoon and Soonyoung’s conversation was normal. _What is your favorite food? Are you a dog person or a cat person? What do you mean a hamster person? How are you liking Seoul so far? Do you miss Busan?_

“I thought either Jeonghan or Seungcheol hyung has exposed this all,” Jihoon said truthfully after Soonyoung asked another trivial thing.

“No, they just shared things that will have an advantage for both of us. Before you ask, I didn’t know what that mean either,” Soonyoung just shrugged.

“They’re ridiculous. So are you.”

“What did I do?”

“You keeping up with my stoic ass will never cease to amaze me. It’s—it’s like you’re purposefully settling for the less.”

Soonyoung looked like he wanted to protest but swallowed it instead. “Settling for the less in what term?”

“Uh, I don’t know? Social hierarchy?”

“What makes you think you’re placed at the bottom of that nonsense?”

“My inability to make a good impression, let alone conversation, for starters. Before you and Wonwoo, people struggled to start a topic…to keep socializing with me. They didn’t say it but I figured it all out pretty easily. It’s not that I perpetually hate interacting with people, it’s just…how I am. My relationship with Jeonghan hyung and Seungcheol hyung is based off years and years of figuring out each other’s shits. It’s periodically long for me to develop a certain sentiment toward someone before eventually having a silent mutual agreement to be involved in a healthy and supportive term of friendship,” Jihoon wasn’t aware of how much he just revealed, how much he felt safe revealing it, because he kept on rambling. “But you and Wonwoo are anomalies, you know that? But, unlike Wonwoo with clear motives and similar personality as me, I could only see grey in you. Unlike other energetic people who typically would exhaust me just by looking at their excitement, you don’t make me uncomfortable in the slightest, and that, Kwon Soonyoung, makes me _terribly_ jittery.”

Even after they hopped off from the bus and went to the cinema, Jihoon could feel Soonyoung thinking. _And that’s good_ , Jihoon reminded himself.

As the cinema lights were dimmed and the sound began to blast off, Soonyoung was already scrunching himself in half, trying to use Jihoon’s body as a barrier between his eyes and the screen. “Oh, God. I knew it’s a bad decision.”

Soonyoung hissed. “Be quiet. The movie is starting!”

Just as Jihoon predicted, Soonyoung was _loud_. Jihoon could feel Soonyoung’s resistance on placing his palm in front of his face, knowing it was a pride that prevented him from doing that. Jihoon said that Soonyoung shouldn’t be ashamed to admit that he was frightened. Instead of agreeing, Soonyoung asked for Jihoon’s hand.

“What?” Jihoon almost yelped. “What for?”

“To hold on to, you little shit,” he said, like it was the most obvious thing. “So that I won’t cover my eyes with my hands!”

Kwon Soonyoung was indeed ridiculous.

By the time they went out from the cinema, Soonyoung started dissing the movie. Saying it had so many plotholes and was nothing but jumpscares. (“ _The ghosts were scary, I admit that._ ”) Jihoon just nodded and played along, sometimes teased the older here and there. (“ _You said that just to make yourself feel better, you’re not even sure with your own so-called review._ ”) Their laughter died off when they walked out from the building.

It was raining. Hard.

None of them brought an umbrella.

“This makes no sense, it wasn’t even cold a couple of hours ago!” Soonyoung sulked.

The nearest bus stop was equal to them getting completely drenched from head to toe. Jihoon wasn’t unfamiliar with the area since it was the nearest cinema to Chan’s house and they always went there to watch—

He pulled his phone from his pocket then dialed a familiar number. “Hello, Mrs. Lee? Yes, it’s Jihoon. I’m—I’m fine. It’s just, I’m really sorry for bothering you, but do you mind if I ask you a favor? Actually, my friend and I, uh, we’re about to go to our dorm after watching movie, but it’s raining and I—uh, yeah, the usual cinema. Um, really? I’m sorry once again for disturbing your evening, Mrs. Lee. Uh, alright. Thank you so much. See you, Mrs. Lee.”

Jihoon hung up.

“Was that Chan’s mother?” Jihoon nodded. “And she’s about to pick us up?” Another nod. “She’s really kind.”

“The kindest human being,” Jihoon agreed.

After ten minutes of chatting, finally Mr. Lee’s car arrived. He let them in.

“Jihoon, how are you?” Mr. Lee asked cheerfully. Just like his wife, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling even to strangers. Jihoon was so sure that the Lees were the most well-functioned family in the whole South Korea (just this certain _Lee_ family).

“I’m fine, thank you. And thank you for picking us up, as well. I hope I didn’t bother your evening,” Jihoon said politely.

“Nonsense! Our house is just like three blocks away,” Mr. Lee swayed his hand. “Anyway you haven’t introduced me to your friend.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Sir. My name is Kwon Soonyoung. I’m actually Yeojin’s cousin—she’s Chan’s friend,” Soonyoung told him this without a pause. He was a natural charmer.

“Oh, I know Yeojin, the little girl’s so talented. So you both just went from a date, huh?”

No one answered that. For Jihoon, it was because the realization just hit him. _A date?_ He could hear Wonwoo’s voice scolding him for, again, being oblivious. Soonyoung stammered, but Mr. Lee just laughed it off, knowing it all too well he just made the situation awkward.

Mr. Lee took them to his house, insisting that they should stay over just for that night. Soonyoung tried to softly decline the offer since Yeojin’s house was near. “But are you sure your aunt’s meals could beat the best dinner and breakfast ever that will be made by my wife? I don’t think so.”

When they hopped off the car, Jihoon paused after closing the car door softly. “Was it?”

Soonyoung looked mildly confused. “Was it what?”

“A date?” Jihoon looked down to his fingers that unconsciously folded his shirt.

“It was whatever you wanted it to be,” Soonyoung simply answered, a ghosting smile appeared.

“You weren’t this sure when Mr. Lee asked.”

“Yeah, well. I could’ve said, “ _For me it was definitely a date, but Jihoon might interpret it differently,_ ” but Mr. Lee would tease you endlessly. Would you want that?”

Jihoon wasn’t sure it was the thought that Mr. Lee would never give him a break _or_ the fact that Soonyoung just took him to a _real_ date that made his stomach turned upside down. He stepped closer to the front door and knocked because the rain just poured harder and because he felt like he needed to put some distance between them.

“Did you just knock?” Jihoon heard Mrs. Lee shouted from inside the house. “Just get in the house, Jihoon, for God’s sake, this ain’t some kind of official sanctuary.”

Soonyoung laughed at that. After they were inside, Jihoon muttered something about her mouth being sharp but she was actually soft at heart so Soonyoung didn’t need to worry about that. “I can hear you, Jihoon!” Mrs. Lee shouted again from the kitchen.

The sound of little kid shrieking caught Soonyoung’s attention. “Channie!”

“Hello, Yeojin’s brother. Are you going to have a dinner here tonight?” Chan practically ran down from upstairs. Jihoon’s heart squeezed a little, fearing the boy would stumble upon his own toe and fell.

“Yeah, your father sweet-talked me into staying,” Soonyoung’s hand was grabbed by Chan so he’d follow him into the kitchen.

“His words aren’t the only thing that’s sweet, though,” Mrs. Lee pointed out to the dessert on the table that she made. “Hello, Jihoon’s friend. I hope you’ll enjoy your stay.”

“Hello, Mrs. Lee, I’m Soonyoung,” the boy bowed deeply, “I’m sorry fo—”

“No, Soonyoung, you’re definitely not causing any trouble. Please, sit down. The food is about to be ready in a minute.”

The dinner was nice, decent. At least, it was what Jihoon believed to be rolling around the four other people’s minds that surrounded him. For Jihoon personally, it was extraordinary (but he wasn’t going to say that out loud, otherwise everyone would look at him as if he was mental).

(Maybe he was).

The night weather was friendly before the rain started pouring down. Jihoon thought he’d shiver and his breath started to get all foggy, but all he could feel was warmth as if people around him were the ones radiating it; he wasn’t sure whether or not there was an actual scientific explanation behind his metaphor. It had been a long time since the last time Jihoon sat in a round table, laughing freely, eating awesome homemade meals, with people he considered as family. Jihoon cherished this moment; Jihoon would never take anything for granted anymore.

After done washing the dishes, Chan was nagging them, practically rambling about how Jihoon should play his Sims after this and how he would teach Soonyoung to play video games ("Have you at least touched a console?" Chan squinted his eyes in disbelief. Soonyoung nodded his head in embarrassment).

Jihoon wasn't sure if The Sims was safe for work for a 7 year-old, but when he opened the software, it seemed like Chan had the game just recently. Peeking from his shoulder, he saw Soonyoung had a personal difficulty trying to keep up with Chan's rushed instructions. They stayed that way for another hour.

"I shot the enemy!" Soonyoung yelped. "I did it!"

"Congratulations, Yeojin's brother!" Chan high fived him as he paused the game. "You've hardly become a master, but you're on the right track."

"You're a tough teacher, buddy. But I gotta admit, it's effective," Soonyoung ruffled Chan's hair. The scene caused Jihoon's heart to skip a beat. "My best friend has been trying to get me into some PC games, but it doesn't really work. Do you want to know how he teaches me?"

Chan nodded eagerly.

Soonyoung walked to Jihoon's direction. He stopped just behind the latter and bent his body forward. Soonyoung's right hand crept its way along Jihoon's arm, brushed the sensitive skin until it reached Jihoon's fingers that gripped the mouse tightly. His left hand stayed on Jihoon's shoulder as if using it as a support to prevent his body from falling.

Soonyoung was back-hugging Jihoon in a way.

Putting his chin just above Jihoon's head, the younger could feel the warmth when Soonyoung exhaled. Jihoon's insides threatened to melt if the other boy kept the gesture long enough.

"This is how Wonwoo teaches me," Soonyoung whispered. (Why was he whispering? He was supposed to explain about this to Chan out loud!) "Sometimes I could feel my heart fluttering," Soonyoung lowered his head, it touched Jihoon's right ear. Son of a bitch. "He must have wanted me to be able to play those games so bad," it went lower, pressed slightly against Jihoon's upper cheek. "Could you feel your heart fluttering as well, Jihoon?"

"Jihoon hyung, your face is like a ripped tomato. Or a boiled crab. Is that even scientifically possible?" Chan asked (where did he learn the big word from?!)

Jihoon's eyes were frozen to the sight in front of him (his sims was taking a piss) and he was unable to move, but Chan's statement just sent more warmth to his ears. He felt like collapsing. Soonyoung must had enjoyed this so much because Jihoon could feel a body behind him trembling slightly from laughter.

The night continued. Chan's parents scolded him for staying up too late, as if Jihoon and Soonyoung didn't contribute to his rebellious act. So, when Chan went to his bed, Jihoon and Soonyoung decided to sleep in the same room Jihoon usually occupied.

"I could sleep on the floor," Soonyoung suggested.

"You'll get your ass whooped by Mrs. Lee in the morning."

"On the couch then...in the living room."

"And let you drool on it? Another ass whooping but by Mr. Lee," Jihoon's eyebrows shot up. "Just climb in, Kwon. It's not even my bed."

Soonyoung took an immediate response after that.

They stared at the ceiling for a couple more minutes before Soonyoung choked, "I'm going to have a group dancing competition next month."

Jihoon hummed. "Are you even allowed to be here? You didn't have a practice to attend?"

Soonyoung stayed silent.

"Seriously?! Oh, God, you're awful!" Jihoon almost shouted, couldn't believe the boy next to him would sacrifice his limited time to do rehearsal for a stupid date.

"Well, I still have another month to practice. A day off wouldn't hurt anyone."

"Tell that to your coach."

"I did. I did to the entire team as well. They were supportive. Even Minghao eagerly told me to 'get the boy'," Soonyoung giggled. "It's just...today they had practice. But it's fine, I assure you."

A blush crept its way across Jihoon's cheeks. "You're ridiculous and please don't do that again."

"Well, Jihoon, just in case I haven't made myself clear enough, I really like you."

Jihoon's heart nearly leaped.

How—how could he do that? Openly confessing to someone he just met a few months ago; laying his heart bare without the fear of Jihoon stomping it to the ground?

The thing was, the feeling _was_ mutual, Jihoon was certain about it. But it wasn't like he was extremely good with words and had the same amount of confidence as Soonyoung. Jihoon struggled and it was almost unfair that Soonyoung could free himself from such burden of harboring a crush on someone.

Jihoon wanted that too; wanted to see a blush appeared on Soonyoung's fair skin, wanted to see the sparkles in Soonyoung's eyes when something enticed him, he wanted to give Soonyoung _everything_ he wanted if only Jihoon had the courage.

It was the same exact thought he had for his parents. _Mom, Dad, I wanted to give you everything. I wanted to be a son you could be proud of...but how many times do I have to pretend to be someone I'm not just in order to please you?_

He wasn't good enough for his parents. He wasn't good enough for himself...let alone for Soonyoung. He wouldn't let anyone settle for the less if it meant that his heart had to break all over again. _But Soonyoung's choice isn't your call to make,_ his mind scolded him, _he has every right to have a crush on anyone, including you. It's you who doesn't have the right to invalidate that._

"You don't have to answer that, Ji. It just...it feels good to finally let it out," Soonyoung reassured Jihoon with his soothing yet sleepy voice.

Silence filled in for a few good seconds before Jihoon finally answered, "Let's go to sleep. Uh, thank you and, uh, good night, Soonyoung."

The boy smiled genuinely. "Good night, Lee Jihoon."

That night, Jihoon dreamed of writing a serenade about the moon and the sun; every morning, the sun would wake the moon up with its swirling voice and shaky breath; every night, the moon would sing a whimsical lullaby for the sun and the sun alone. With only voices and unseen affection, they loved in silence and with distance inbetween...for if they surrendered to the desire to touch each other, they knew it would end up causing a massive catastrophe to the entire galaxy. The sun and the moon were altruistic, the sun and the moon wanted to sustain the cycle of life so that they sacrificed their own needs. It was the most religious dream Jihoon had ever experienced.

+

For the next month, instead of growing apart out of awkwardness after the sudden confession, both boys naturally drew into each other, Jihoon even attended some of Soonyoung’s dance practices after his classes ended.

“Minghao wants to take all of us to dinner after our rehearsal ends. You should come,” Soonyoung offered Jihoon who sat next to him, inspecting the reflection of themselves being physically close to each other—the thought sent warmth to Jihoon’s chest—on a large mirror in that big studio that they used for practice.

“Oh, no. I’m not even a part of the squad. I shouldn’t interrupt your time together.”

“Hey, it’s okay. You’ve been a big help to us when you agreed to rearrange our music and they all like you anyway.”

Jihoon pouted. What Soonyoung considered as a huge help for them was actually just Jihoon on his natural habitat. Jihoon should be the one thanking Soonyoung and the team for trusting him enough to do the work, he finally had an excuse to be involved in music production again even if it’s just the slightest.

Interacting with Soonyoung’s friends was fine. Jihoon didn’t dislike them, but they were so loud and engaging and Jihoon was the polar opposite. With all his quietness, he usually got dragged into their shrill of conversation so that he wouldn’t be sitting alone on the corner of the room. It was a nice gesture to keep him included within the group, but sometimes all he wanted to do was just seeing without necessarily talking.

“Uh, okay.”

“Hey it’s okay,” Soonyoung nudged his shoulder. “I will tell them to behave and not bother you.”

“Please—it’s not necessary,” Jihoon panicked. “They’re nice. I have nothing against them.”

Soonyoung chuckled seeing Jihoon’s expression. “I know, Jihoon. No one thinks that. It’s just a precautionary action.”

“It’s just…I hope they don’t see me as a rude person since you know, uh, my direct verbal communication skill is, well, lacking.”

“They could see that. You’re fine the way you are.”

“Am I?” Jihoon mumbled mindlessly.

“What does that mean?”

Jihoon didn’t answer.

“Is it about your family?”

Still no answer.

“After the dinner, please crash by to my dorm.”

“Okay.”

The dinner was not fancy, it was filled with laughter and warmth. For once, Jihoon didn’t feel any inconvenience at all. Maybe it was because Jihoon slowly understood the group’s dynamics. Minghao talked a lot but he sounded like a wise, old, man. Junhui was a bit quieter, but sometimes, he was so immersed with his own world. Jihoon still didn’t get most of Junhui’s jokes. Mingyu, Seokmin, and Seungkwan were the ones who always brought new topics up, it was like they never ran out of things to talk about. Their confidence on expressing themselves was attractive, Jihoon wished he could have such power. The last one was Hansol, a very diplomatic person with inhumane attractiveness. All seven of them came from different backgrounds. The fact that they were bounded strongly by the same hobby made Jihoon secretly longed for it too.

They walked their way home. Their hands accidentally brushed against each other, repeatedly. Jihoon’s breath was fogged despite the humid weather. Soonyoung just happily blabbered out about their practice and their soon-to-be rivals. “…they’re really good. Like, really good. The division of parts, the climax, and the variety of movements? Absolutely well-executed. The group won last year’s competition. Perhaps we stand a chance to beat them this year which is like, damn, a week away!"

“I mean, it’s possible, right?”

“Yeah, we’ve won a few minor competitions since last year and placed as the second runner up on some more. But I guess, we’re pretty well-known around the dance community of Seoul.”

“That’s pretty amazing, Soonyoung.”

“Yeah, I guess. But I have a bigger purpose for the upcoming competition compared to the previous ones.”

“And what is that?”

“To impress you, of course.”

Jihoon lowered his head to hide his smile and blush that spread on his face. He was getting used to Soonyoung’s sweet talks, but it didn’t mean he had high tolerance for them. He was just a teenager on his early twenty, anyway.

“We’re here,” Soonyoung announced when they reached his dorm.

For the next hour, they were busy with their own activities. Jihoon with his assignment; Soonyoung with his laptop (to monitor their previous rehearsals) and phone (to contact their coach). Jihoon missed being outside with Chan while casually typing on his laptop as ideas flowed through his head, but he was getting busy and his time with Chan was limited. Thankfully, Mr. and Mrs. Lee didn’t have any special schedule that required them to travel a lot recently.

“I’m done. Have you?” Soonyoung threw himself on the couch.

“Yeah,” the other guy said while closing his notebooks.

“Want to watch a movie?”

“Sure.”

“What movie do you want to watch?”

“Um.”

“Stop giving me one-syllable answer.”

“Any Wes Anderson movies, please?” When Soonyoung rasied his eyebrow in confusion, Jihoon added, “They have this calming atmosphere. I don’t want to spill my life story while there’s a constant sound of guns firing.”

Soonyoung immediately put _Moonrise Kingdom_ on play (with _The Grand Budapest Hotel_ already on waiting list) and went back to couch, already all-ears for Jihoon’s next words. The movie started to play as Jihoon’s mind wandered back years prior to his arrival in Seoul—a curious boy from Busan.

He didn’t realize that he started talking, but he didn’t stop after that.

Genius, brilliant, awesome; those were forms of compliment his friends threw him daily for his good work in music production. One of the most everlasting praises he’d ever received was, “ _I hope you won’t stop playing and creating music with your hands, there are a lot of ears out there yearning to find those works of yours._ ” It meant so much to a 16 year-old Jihoon with his ambitious spirit and blazing eagerness. Someone who had been feeding his ego was a person he had been harbouring his feeling to, no wonder that his words simply fuelled the fire.

Another memory hit him when everything turned upside down. His parents were strict, Jihoon knew the fact just as well as his brother. The difference was, his brother was their parents’ pride, Jihoon wasn’t. Both of them were smart, but his brother was into action, while Jihoon was a visionary. His brother always obeyed, Jihoon rebelled. His brother: perfect, Jihoon: flawed. He had come to accept the fact for so long, he didn’t try to change a thing.

Not until his brother left to pursue his education as a medical student. Jihoon was alone and small under his parents’ presence. His rebellious side grew weaker and always succumbed to his parents’ orders. Oh, don’t get him wrong, his parents were still bearable up to the point where they took him to vacation, gave him fancy clothes, and gave him a series of advice. But God forbade Jihoon getting what he wanted. Questions sparkled in their eyes, doubts crawled up their skins, and it mostly resulted in their parents saying, “ _No_ ,” with hard gaze and undeniably authoritative tone. His parents were strict—no ‘I love you’s before sleeping, no ‘Good luck,’ before he faced his tests. Only a nod and a frigid hug, thinking raising their sons in a stiff way would strengthen them, prepare them to face the bitter world. (Maybe it was the reason why Jihoon loved the cold, it reminded him of them; made him feel grateful enough with the fact that his parents were still complete without necessarily having to face them).

His house exhausted him. Theatre club was his sanctuary. His parents didn’t even know about this; they thought the sole reason why Jihoon always went home late was because he had group assignments to do. 17 year-old Jihoon wouldn’t let the only good thing on his life to be taken away against his will just because his parents were afraid he would abandon his study. When Jihoon was deep in his thought, the person he liked suddenly approached him. His flushed face ought to be apparent that time because the guy just smirked. Jihoon tried, he tried so hard to leave the feeling behind—to forget how this guy would turn his stomach upside down, how his hands always offered help when Jihoon needed them the most. Instead of falling out of it, Jihoon only felt his heart cracking under his ribs.

“ _Let me walk you home_?” he’d offered. Jihoon baffled. His first instinct was to say no, but he remembered his mother’s text saying they would come home a bit late. Jihoon nodded helplessly.

The conversation on their way home was a blur. But the kiss wasn’t. It happened in front of Jihoon’s house. He remembered exactly how the guy’s body bent a little, he remembered exactly how his right hand felt when it touched Jihoon’s cheek, he remembered the taste of his lips. _He returned my feeling!_ Jihoon’s cracking heart made a yelp, _How long has it been? Two years?_ Jihoon tried to silence his mind as he kissed him back.

Then the sound of a car that suddenly pulled in in front of his house broke everything; the kiss, the thought, Jihoon’s heart.

His parents were stepping out of the car. Jihoon’s friend bowed deeply (which only got responded with a hard stare from both of Jihoon’s parents) before he went home. The first thing they said was, “ _Jihoon, this needs to stop._ ”

A year after that was a complete frozen hell. No more theatre activity. No more going home late. No more dream about going to art school. A year passed and Jihoon proposed something to his father. “ _I’ll do it. I’ll be applying to business and management or any majors you want me to be in. But let me pursue it somewhere else. Seoul, perhaps? It offers the best everything._ ”

“ _How would we know you will be studying instead of slacking off? You can be very irresponsible. Look at your brother and learn from him—_ ”

“ _I won’t. I’ll do what you want and provide anything you need, but please, God help me, send me out of this goddamn place._ ”

“So they did,” Soonyoung said with a muffled sound.

“So they did,” Jihoon nodded. “It surprised me that they would agree to this as well.”

“That’s why—that’s why you always freaking study. Everywhere. Every time. It’s like you’re inseparable with your laptop and your notebooks.”

“Well, it’s their term. I’m obliged to follow.”

Soonyoung looked a bit out of focus, as if he had so many questions.

“You can ask,” Jihoon said.

“Wh—what about the boy?”

“Oh, we’re good, if that’s what you’re asking. He tried to talk to me once or twice, but it…it hurt me a little to see him like that, thinking I didn’t want him. After I told him everything, I could see relief washed over his feature before he got sad again because I could no longer participate in the club.”

Soonyoung nodded. “What about you?”

“Soonyoung, I just discovered that a boy I had a crush on for years liked me back and our relationship was a dead-end before it even began, of course I moped for months. I’m okay now, though, thanks.”

“Your parents…they’re conservative?”

Jihoon smiled at this, knowing the question was coming. “I’m not sure. I mean, I used to assume that they were…maybe they really are, who knows? But at this point, I suspect they’re concerned more about my grades than my sexuality,” Jihoon flinched at his own words.

Soonyoung softly nudged Jihoon’s ribs. “Don’t say that.”

The movie continued playing in the background. They watched it in silence.

“Can I hug you?” Soonyoung suddenly broke the quietness. “I have a strong urge to hug you.”

“Uh,” Jihoon pulled his sleeves down, feeling embarrassed. “Just put your right arm around my shoulder. Not too tight or I’ll kick you.”

Soonyoung happily complied. His right arm didn’t hang awkwardly on the other side of Jihoon’s body, it fitted perfectly. Instead of putting his head at the top of Jihoon’s, he put it on Jihoon’s left shoulder, making himself as tiny as possible.

Jihoon’s head fluttered. He couldn’t stop hoping, couldn’t stop playing the possible scenario over and over again within his mind. The what-ifs and the happy ending.

“I keep thinking about your words the last time I visited your dorm…about some people possessing their own demons on their daily life,” Jihoon bit his lower lip, hesitated a bit. “What if I am one of them?”

“Oh, I knew it already. You’re a frightening piece of shit.”

Jihoon pinched Soonyoung’s arm and he yelped.

“It’s okay, Jihoon, you’re okay and valid. I’ve never seen you purposefully hurt anyone. Jeonghan and Seungcheol certainly have nothing bad to say against you either. You don’t let it overpower you, you’re thriving to be the best version of yourself instead of settling for the version your parents picked for you and that matters.”

Jihoon felt like crying. Jeonghan and Seungcheol hyung always took a good care of him and he never felt anything less when he was around them, but with Soonyoung…it sparked a new feeling within his chest. And he didn’t want to let that go. “Soonyoung?”

“Hmm?”

"Your existence is transcendental for me."

The older laughed. "And yours is inherently and strangely familiar. We see this—whatever you want this to be—through two opposing spectrums, but it doesn't mean we don't share the same goal."

"And what is that?"

"To finally kiss the hell out of each other?" Soonyoung raised his head from Jihoon’s shoulder while pouting as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "And whatever comes afterwards."

Jihoon snorted. "Don't push your luck."

"Well, don't tell me you haven't at least imagined putting your cute little hands on this boy's handsome face as your lips slowly parting."

"To quote Hamlet, act III, scene III, line 92—“ _No._ "" Jihoon rolled his eyes. "And stop it, you sound like a fanfic writer."

"A fanfic writer with more than a thousand kudos, yes!"

Jihoon laughed at that. But Soonyoung just looked at him, his face twisted as if he couldn't believe he'd made Jihoon laugh out loud after their previous emotional state when Jihoon told him his story. "Wait—really?"

"No, you dumbass."

The film ended and Jihoon attempted to get up.

“Uh, what are you doing?” Soonyoung protested.

“Going back to my dorm?”

“But I’ve put _The Grand Budapest Hotel_ on the list! Or do you prefer _Fantastic Mr. Fox_?”

“You—is that okay?”

“Of course. Stay over, if you’d like.”

So they ended up watching another two movies while chatting about everything and nothing. Jihoon found comfort in Soonyoung. He didn’t know what he was waiting for but the word has yet to escape his mouth. _I like you. I like you so much my heart feels like combusting._ He talked about anything other than his feeling toward the other boy, a topic he wanted to talk about the most.

Soonyoung was patient. He said thank you several times for Jihoon had trusted him enough to tell him about that. He also made sure that Jihoon felt comfortable. When Jihoon didn’t answer immediately, he dropped the topic instantly because he didn’t want to pressure the other man. But Jihoon was just thinking—he always did—because he didn’t want his spontaneous answer to be irritating. He didn’t want to offend Soonyoung even the slightest.

(Jihoon didn’t stay over. He walked way back to his dorm with his heart swelling in his chest. Body warm after hours of snuggling against Soonyoung’s. He never felt this happy.

Just like a routine after Soonyoung’s first appearance, Jihoon kept saying this same word; the word that suited perfectly with his state of mind—lighter, as if all of his burden had been lifted up—after spending a great time with the other boy as relief washed over him: _finally_ ).

+

The competition was held in a small stadium a bit far from Jihoon’s campus. Not only Yeojin’s family, Mr. and Mrs Lee along with Chan also came to give Soonyoung and the team support. After their first date, Soonyoung constantly visited the Lee and helped Jihoon doing the housework. Just as expected, Soonyoung snatched hearts so easily Jihoon suspected Mrs. Lee planned on replacing him.

The front seats were still available so they took them while waiting for the dancers to perform. The MCs said something to hype up the atmosphere but Jihoon couldn’t focus, his eyes kept wandering and mind was racing. He crossed his fingers, hoping the execution by Soonyoung and team would be out of this world.

Chan had the best time of his life. He liked dancing after all. Bringing him to this place was probably the best decision Jihoon had ever made. “Hey, when you’re out of this place, your dancing skill will increase significantly,” Jihoon whispered to Chan.

The little boy blushed. “I wish!”

One by one, all teams went up to the stage and gave their best performance. Never once did Jihoon's eyes leave the stage. All of them were amazing, well-trained, and incredibly young. Sharp movements, playful expressions, flexible figures. Jihoon wondered what did each one of those performers had to sacrifice in order to pursue this dream of theirs. Was it something precious? Was it something they wouldn't get the chance to have anymore? Jihoon's mind wandered as people on stage stomped their feet and rolled their hands. They were all really great, but since Jihoon had seen Soonyoung's team...

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome our last team that will participate on this contest!" the MC roared, sending a wave of excitement to the audience, "Give the loudest applause for Jam-Jam team from Pledis Dance Community!"

Jihoon probably clapped the loudest. He could hear Mr. Lee and Mrs. Lee shouted from beside him.

Hearing Jihoon's own brief work within this place full of people that appreciated art felt like heaven. Although none of them knew that the accompaniment instrument was arranged by Lee Jihoon, it still felt really good when people's head nodded unconsciously, enjoying the tempo of the music. With the appearance of all seven people of Jam-Jam team only made Jihoon's heart grew bigger. Their outfit─covered with monochrome colors of black, white, and gray─made them look very mysterious.

Ducking their head, arranging their formation, grinding the floor. Jihoon had memorized it by heart each one of their position and how their movements would look like. But it never ceased to amaze him to see them very synchronized like that. It was like seeing seven bodies controlled by a single soul. He could see their coach on the side of the stage, right hand under his chin and a smile tugged on his lips. _He must be very proud_ , Jihoon mused. And he had to. None of his students half-assed anything, all of them were radiating with so much energy. All of them were captivating, moving as if they were chasing something. They moved with purpose, with love, with bright and burning desire.

Kwon Soonyoung was really beyond this world.

Lee Jihoon wanted nothing more than to climb up to the stage to confess his undying love for Soonyoung right here, right now. He had to physically hold himself to prevent himself from doing such stupid thing he'd regret.

As the instrument slowed down, Jihoon could feel his heart calmed down as well. _It's almost finished already?_

There was no word to describe how loud the cheer the audience gave to Jam-Jam team. There was no word to describe the swell on Jihoon's heart as wave of pleasure and relief washed over him, his eyes closed and his legs trembled as he stood up to gave standing ovation. The closest word was love...and pride, but he wasn't sure whether it was a love for the well-executed performance or for one of the team members.

Jam-Jam team got down from the stage as the MC was preparing to announce the winner. They high-fived each other and mumbled silent praises and calming words of, "You did well." Jihoon immediately saw Soonyoung in the midst of the crowds. Soonyoung looked like he was searching for something─or someone─but when his eyes landed on Jihoon, he stopped moving his head. It was stuck as the time dramatically fucking slowed down.

"Are you just going to stand there or are you going to get the boy?" Mr. Lee, the biggest tease ever, whispered on Jihoon's ear. He turned his head to Mr. Lee and saw Jeonghan, Seungcheol, Joshua, and Wonwoo sitting behind him. _What the hell..._ They gave Jihoon thumbs up while sneaking a glance back and forth from Jihoon to Soonyoung.

"I'm going to get the boy," he murmured. He slowly made an eye contact again with Soonyoung as he walked quickly toward the other boy. Soonyoung had extended his arms even before Jihoon's body hit his and Jihoon's lips met his.

_He smells of something sweet. Something sweet but mixed with sweat._  
_Sweat after months of working hard._  
_He smells like Soonyoung._

  
_I didn't know his body would feel like this under my touch._  
_How perfect it feels. How fitting._  
_How familiar._

_His lips. So soft. I might melt._  
 _But no. I have to brace myself._  
 _Where's his damn neck? I need to hold onto something._

  
_Hold onto me, sweetheart._  
_Let me savor this moment._  
_I don't want you to slip away._  


_His cheeks are so soft. His shoulder are so firm._  
 _How could I wait this long?_  
 _Worry not, I won't go anywhere anymore._

  
_Jihoon, I like you._  
_Goddamn it, I like you so much._  
_I'm going to lose my mind─_  


"─and the first winner for today's competition is," both Soonyoung and Jihoon could barely hear the drum roll as their faces were still pressed against each other's. "Jam-Jam team from Pl─"

"WHAT THE FUCK!"

"Captain, we won!"

"STOP KISSING AND LET'S CELEBRATE!"

"Holy shit─"

"Congratulations boys!"

"Soonyoung, you're the best leader in the world!"

"DID YOU FUCKING HEAR THAT─"

+

The next morning, Jihoon and Soonyoung were holding hands while walking to the park near Chan’s house, where they met each other for the first time. They sat cross-legged under a large tree. They ought to be so loud when they laughed because some people spare them a quick glance.

Jihoon couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing Soonyoung and the team were last night. Jihoon wasn’t the one winning but he felt the euphoria. _This is how it feels like_ , he mused, _to receive the sweet result after your hardwork_. (A hardwork that one thoroughly enjoyed, a hardwork that one loved to do. A dedicated hardwork. The privilege Jihoon had yet to experience…but maybe someday).

"You've never told me that you're the leader," Jihoon said the first thing that came up on his mind after a long, comfortable silence.

"Yeah, because it's just temporary," Soonyoung had his face snuggled against Jihoon's neck. So clingy. "You know we couldn't possibly win if it wasn't for your help with the music arrangement right?"

"It was nothing, Soonyoung."

"It was everything. Try to appreciate yourself more from now on."

Soonyoung smiled at Jihoon and Jihoon smiled back. A ray of sunshine was dancing across Soonyoung's face, he had to squint to look at Jihoon's eyes. The sight made Jihoon smile wider.

"So, Captain?"

Soonyoung mumbled a slow, "Hmm?"

"I think I'm in love with you."

Soonyoung sat up quickly, eyebrows shot up, lips tried not to smirk. "Don't tell me it took you six whole months to realize that. I must be losing my touch."

Jihoon laughed. His eyes were brimming with joyful tears. In a million years, he wouldn't expect to fall for a fool, needy, and charismatic person like Kwon Soonyoung, but here he was. "You understood the reference! The fact alone strengthens my feeling for you."

Rolling his eyes, Soonyoung went back to cuddling Jihoon's tiny figure. "Oh please. Wonwoo practically shoved the book series down my throat. A legendary declaration of love between a criminal mastermind and an alien, he said."

"Which one of us is the alien?" Jihoon asked, his fingers were hovered above Soonyoung's head. Even after all this time, he still wasn't fully sure how to act around the older. Sometimes, it was easy, sometimes he nearly ran out of oxygen trying to keep his mind and body on the right track.

Soonyoung sensed Jihoon's hesitation, so he slowly pulled in Jihoon's fingers and placed them on his hair. "You. Definitely you."

"Why?"

"Well, you literally suit the adjective word of alien. You're really strange, but not in a bad way, more like, in a charming and unusual way," Soonyoung mused, his mind started to wander off. "You...you've gone through a lot. You were hurting, lonely, and very reserved but you allowed me to enter your life; you allowed me—a mere human—to introduce you—a mighty alien—to the bright, burning sun after your long voyage in the vast, dark, and cruel universe."

The wind brushed past them slowly. Both of them wanted to savor this moment: in which doubts morphed into certainty, two figures laying on the grass without worrying what tomorrow might bring.

"Jihoon, you're not broken, your past shouldn't be capable to do that. But even if you are, you're the only person who has enough strength to heal yourself."

Jihoon's eyes were still wet, but he wasn't sure it was still because of happy tears. They were tears of mixed feelings: of desperation, of adoration…of love. He was so sure Soonyoung was a hero without a cape, barging into his life to set it right. But it wasn't the case, it was never the case.

"You shouldn't be in the cold alone anymore. You can either pull me with you and I'll make sure to burn the damn fireplace every night. Or...let me introduce you for the umpteenth times to something from my world; an endless season in which the sun will never set and clouds hang above us in the air."

Silence filled in.  
It filled in long enough.  
Long enough for Lee Jihoon to stand up.  
He stood up and kissed Kwon Soonyoung while saying,  
"I’d like the latter."

**Author's Note:**

>   1. Since I'm not familiar with South Korea, I basically made the setting up with some SVT shows as the references. (Also, I might as well projected my own country here in the story, so please forgive me for the inaccuracy!)
>   2. English isn't my first language, perhaps I've made some grammatical errors here and there and there are sentences that don't make sense; I hope you understand!
>   3. With those reasons above (and basically my lack of experience on writing), comments and constructive criticism are expected! Reach me out on [twitter](https://www.twitter.com/hjshannie) and let's be friends :)
> 

> 
> p.s: The reference of Jihoon's confession is taken from a work by Marissa Meyer, ['Cress'](https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13206828-cress). Please check the series out if you haven't because it's *chef's kisses*  
> p.p.s: I might have plagiarized myself with that so-called musicalization of poetry so please don't freak out when you also find the same poem in Wattpad or somewhere else; it's still under my name.


End file.
